Wednesday, February 2, 2011

note to self

start writing about anything! do not continue to neglect writing anything down!

my thoughts will eat me up if i don't start writing again.

Friday, May 21, 2010


with an apathy problem that sends negative waves of energy out to the universe to be reverted back to me in the form of longer periods of unemployment

consumed mass amounts of spaghetti and cake out of bordom while hanging out with people from my father's church because i am unemployed and forced to go to church, unable to drive myself off of a cliff or to joel's apartment because of a suspended license that my father is going to help me retrieve sometime whenever he can get around to it

black metal brings bliss and also makes me want to get stoned
i will get stoned shortly after my first day of work (hypothetically speaking) while listening to nord

at first this person was too nice, then this person was very sweet, and now this person is annoying me with advice on how i should be thankful and saying i dwell too much on what i want and not what i have

and so i was a sarcastic bitch, as usual

"dear diary". that's what this blog is.

grow up, courtney. i was trapped in a corral of thousands of bunnies this morning in a dream. one of the bunnies was dead and bloody, and it was getting blood all over the other bunnies. probably one of the bunnies with blood on its back grazed my leg before i woke up. lately when waking up from a nightmare, i feel the fear like a fog all around me for a minute before i can shake into 'reality'.

i am not in love (romantically). i don't think i ever have been. love is an imaginary bubble surrounding a person i strongly like. after 6 months that bubble bursts.

life could be weird in the way that i might be walking around the house one day and i would hear my aunt irma talking to david letterman on the television, while my little brother works on his novel.
i regret this.

Monday, May 17, 2010


I follow blogs, and that is all.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

i find myself eating more special treats and downloading more metal more and more
fruity pebble madness
old man gloom
spaced out
feels like a dream
feels great

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

narrating the past

toby the puppy...toby bites hard. he gnaws on lauren's hands and arms, and she likes it. we're taking lauren to the airport in an hour or so. i think i will be okay when she leaves, since i have already spent a good amount of time crying about it and calling my ex. i got this feeling of, "everyone important in my life has left/is going to leave the state." lauren is calling me but i can't stop typing. her dog is crying because he is in the cage because he bites everything in sight...including my boots/hand. i have a gash in the palm of my hand from him, but i am still going to miss him. jeff is making spaghetti. i am really sleepy right now.

so i met jarel at the dollar theater. he already had his ticket when i got there, and he didn't offer to buy mine. i didn't know how to feel about this. i didn't know if i should feel surprised that i even expected him to buy mine in the first place. astro boy reminded me of metropolis. i like jarel. he was stoned when i got there. afterward he asked me what i was going to do. i told him i had to help my friend chris write an essay. i drove toward my house and pulled over at a taco cabana. i just reread this paragraph and realized i am narrating the past. i am disturbed. i am stopping now.